Pennies and Dimes

A feeling of despair, looking toward the ivory tower on the green pasture in front of me. One of the finest East Coast Educational systems is at my feet. I walked in the rain today to retrieve cashmere gloves for the cold. I dress much nicer than most.  I sit in a hotel room staring at the college that most students, let alone every adult who thinks of returning to school dream to attend. Its too late for me now. Too late to have my head filled with alegebra, world theories in mismanagement. Education is something that I did not take seriously, rather couldn’t. I did not have the capabilities to sit in a normal classroom. Hyper? OCD? ADD or ADHD? Perhaps. Names of disorders weren’t tagged to people back then. We were just told we couldn’t pay attention in class. We couldn’t concentrate. School was not for me. Then I am told, it’s never too late. Has anyone told society it isn’t too late? No one hires you after 50. Too much liability, too much health risk, too old. Turned out and too old.

Instead, I am a caregiver, chef, who only wishes she had continued her education. Now past a mid century of living, regrets still follow this middle age body and inhabit my mind of what I truly could have been. A physcist? A doctor? No, instead my God given talent is that of a medium. I can see to the other side and clearly communicate with the souls in Heaven. No amount of education or learning can train you for that. School books don’t teach that. I can also see into the depths of the darkness and know in my heart, no amount of monetary value will make me want to do something so evil as to want to end up there. I live pay check to paycheck. I made choices in my life that most people would have not have chosen. Yet, I am better paid than most in society with college degrees. My position is not for long. I don’t have much time. Distance education is a thought and so are dreams. My dreams paid the bills for over 25 years and still continue to do so.

“Your a survivor” my mother would say. True, I could get a job with the best of the them, for the best of them, for the 1% of the world. I fit in, even though I don’t have the BS degree, the MS degree or the doctorate. I am a high school graduate with certifications. Certifications in street smarts? In life in general? Was my way the best way? The learn by doing trial and error method? I don’t want my nephews and nieces to choose the same path. I will scrub toliets to not let them walk in my path, no matter how glamourous it appears, it is not.

Alert: Fox news reports that college students are striking. They want free tuitiion and waiver of repayment or debt forgiveness. They can’t get jobs in their chosen fields to pay back the loans.

I cant forgive myself for not doing better in school and they want debt forgiveness for not getting a better job? Where is the irony in that?

Let them tread in my footsteps for a day. Let them figure out how they are going to pay for what they feel entitled too, let them learn by doing, then they will covet that degree, make it work for them as a niche and carve a name for themselves in their chosen field, and pay it back, then they will not be sitting in a hotel room staring at the past while waiting on the future to catch up with them which is closer for some than others.