To Kill The Giant

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Tag: lawyers

Glass and Metal

He cleared his desk in the glass office overlooking the square below, putting the pictures in the small packing box, hesitating at the picture of his baby boy. Holding onto it, he lit a half smirk at the how the time had flown since this picture was taken. His baby boy, no longer in diapers, changing every day right in front of his eyes. That would be his next agenda, getting more pictures of his precious baby boy, spending more time with him. He was now 3 years of age and how many days had he spent with him since he took this job? He could count on his hand the moments. He definitely wanted to enroll him in karate in the next two years and teach him how to throw a baseball. All the things a father should teach a son.
Looking around at what he was leaving, at his own request, the momentum had not ceased. The office was bustling, hectic, women in skirts buzzed by him, carrying paperwork, zuit suits on telephones in glass offices in the sky making deals and yet, he felt so removed from it. Like he didn’t belong there. He never belonged there. Yeah, there might have been a time he felt he fit in but it was a brief moment. The boys in the office were cut throat and he didn’t want to teach his kid about the kind of lifestyle that he had been caught up in. The nightly happy hours, the broads, the booze. If you didn’t socialize with the gang, the heavy hitters after work and compare notes, your law degree might as well be thrown in the trash. You had to socialize to get ahead in that firm. Maybe he didn’t belong anywhere but back with his family. He couldn’t go home. She threw him out. “Choose me or the job she demanded two years ago. How could he support the baby and her if he didn’t work? What was she thinking when she issued that ultimatum? Had she been taking lessons from her father, a master sargeant in the Army? Now, he made the final choice, to leave the firm, for a quieter position across the river. He could finally spend the time with his boy like he wanted to. Now he had all the time he wanted and some money in the bank for support for his son.
With the stroke of the packing tape dispenser, he was through with his personal belongings. Grabbing his lone possessions, he shook hands with a cohort. Where were his close friends? The ones he had beers with at the local tavern? Were they to busy to wish him well in leaving the rat race? Realizing they were never his friends, the determination showed even further as he grabbed his box and headed down to the elevator. He didn’t think he would miss this life. It had already cost him his wife, and home life. Now he had to rebuild what was left. He had saved enough to buy a small white apartment across the river in the burbs and he would start over. Just him and his precious son facing life together, depending on when he could see him. She always held the reins to his little lifeline. Now that he had the time and finances in place, he decided to spend his energy on the baby and building a law life away from the prestigious firm and maybe, just maybe, she might take him back.
The elevator door opened and out he walked as fast as he could to his new life. It had taken time to get to where he wanted to be so his hopes were to rush to his new home, his baby boy.
Then it happened, his box went flying in the air, papers caught in the wind, tossed around like a lost soul searching for a place to land, scattered like his life had been all those years..all the moments that could have been were now lost. Glass met metal.
He never saw the bus.


Johnson Grass Turns Yellow in the Winter

Johnson grass turns yellow in the winter but other types of grasses remain forever green.

Was it for the money or the wanting of a better life? No, the money was there wrapped up like a roll of one dollar bills in real estate assets. The love had turned into a business. Others didn’t speak so unkind. Was it an awakening to what was and not what should have been? Maybe living in a fairy tale with the picturesque house and possessions wasn’t enough or maybe it was too much.
What you didn’t have today will it have appeared tomorrow? True love, it might have been, but not for us, if it did not come with stipulations and contingencies whispered with every other word of “if you don’t change I am leaving”.
Perhaps the love subsided with every evil remark left in the wake of a eruptous argument, like a belt with notches, a new notch created for every unkind statement. The heart broke with the words emblazoned like a neon sign upon its intended. Retreat and withdrawal into oneself never to be discussed left a gregarious person empty and subdued. In Front of people experiencing the tumultuous relationship will replay like a movie shown over and over. Was it really his way or the highway, no detours, no emotions shown? Apologies remain imprinted on their life as scars remain from riding a bike. She always ushering in the first hoping for forgiveness or some acknowledgement of wrong doings. But was it always her fault, no. Simply two minds who thought differently. Sometimes, the grown over scab can be peeled back to expose the hurt and pain.
Never forgetting what was said but never striking back like a cobra with it’s master who mesmerizes it. Then the years fade, birthdays are obscure and come and go, no present, even to the one celebrating it. Anniversaries aren’t remembered except only by friends who remind them of the important date.Christmas is spent at loved ones and vacations are experienced apart. Was it meant to be remembered? Was it not two people who were wed?
Secretly the heart yearns for more in the wake of forgetfulness or unkindness. Still reeling and recoiling, yet, the grass is still yellow. Will it be seeded to turn green again or left to suffer the deprivation and degradation of weeds growing in its path? Never to experience true happiness found in another soul?
The yearning of more is akin to a tumbleweed spinning out of control in a dust storm, and yet eventually finding a place that it can’t be swept away any longer, it journeys to a different hiding spot, supposedly where the grass is greener. Or so it seems.
Johnson grass turns yellow in winter but other types of grasses remain forever green. The grass is never greener while standing in yellow pastures.

This was about my marriage.